...and now my mom has early-onset Alzheimer's. She's 54. I believe she's had this disease since she was about 50. I've been waiting for the day that the doctor officially diagnoses it and that day has finally come.

Blow after blow after blow...when will I be able to breathe again?! What's next? Is my dad going to have a stroke? A heart attack? Seriously WTF?! I'm 20 years old and I feel like I'm losing my family. I've already lost my two sisters, and now I feel like I'm losing my mom. That's half my family right there. It's only me, my dad, and my one remaining sister left.

I feel like I have to speed up my life now. I have to hurry up, graduate from nursing school, get married, and have kids, just so my mom can be there for it all while she's still lucid. I didn't even want to have kids for another 10 years, when I'm 30, but in 10 years, who knows where my mom will be. She might be here physically, but she won't be here mentally or emotionally.

I'm overwhelmed. I'm just so worn out from life. I've finally reached my breaking point. I can't handle ANY MORE.

"Your" does not mean "You are". GET IT RIGHT! You're is a contraction of "you" and "are". Your is possessive. "Your really smart," does NOT make sense. "You're really stupid," is the correct answer. That is one of my biggest pet peeves! I wish they would teach grammar more in depth in grade school.

Oh yeah and 50 cent? Here's one question, WHERE'S THE S? 50 centsssssssss.

And the 2008 movie, How She Move? Again, WHERE'S THE S? How She Movesssssss.

GET IT RIGHT!

There are countless other things.

How come if I broke a leg, I would get more attention for it than for losing my sister? Not just one sister, but two. How come if I was diagnosed with cancer then I would be able to "Make a Wish" and go to Disney World but not if I was diagnosed with chronic depression, bipolar disorder, or any other debilitating mental illness? Just like cancer patients risk death, so do patients with severe mental illnesses that cause suicidal ideation. My friend who had cancer was in and out of the hospital a lot, but he didn't have to stay in inpatient care for weeks at a time. The longest he was in the hospital overnight was for four days at most. Yet, here I am, I spent over two weeks in a hospital because my illness made me feel so low that it led me to attempt suicide and my near-death experience was barely acknowledged. Not only did I spend over two weeks in a hospital, I have been making frequent visits to a doctor just like he did. I have to see my psychiatrist every week, except I have been seeing this doctor every week for over two years and more to come, yet my suffering is paid little attention.

 

I nearly cried when this friend of mine was telling me today about how our same teachers that we had in middle school brought him over $200 worth of stuff (giftcards, games, food) when he was diagnosed with cancer, plus a thick pile of get-well cards from all of our teachers. When my sister died in 7^th grade, none of these same teachers acknowledged it. No sorrys were said and no condolences were given. In 9^th grade, the year before my friend was diagnosed with cancer, my second sister died. Again, I was offered zero comfort or sympathy. I am deeply hurt by this. This upsetting revelation that I learned of today is what inspired me to write this lengthy piece.

 

My life has been severely impaired by my mental illness. I have suffered so much. I know what it feels like to hit rock bottom. I know how painful depression can be, and how alone it makes you feel. I know the suffocating restraints a mental illness can curse you with.

 

I speak on the behalf of all others suffering from a mental illness. The disparities are despicable. They are sickening. Society turns its backs on the mentally ill and opens its arms wide for the “poor,” “helpless” people who are physically ill. Aren’t we just as helpless? I don’t want to be restrained by my mental illness! It’s not my fault that God chose me to suffer! Does anybody hear me? Or is society deaf to the helpless pleas of the mentally ill? I don’t want to be this way, but it doesn’t matter what I want because the pain I feel is in my internal self. My scarred, torn, broken heart doesn’t seem to show like the surgery scars show on a physically ill patient and that is where the line is drawn, between the seen and unseen, the mentally ill and the physically ill. If you can’t see it, then society says it’s not there. My illness cannot be eye witnessed and because of this, disparities as despicably unjust as these will choose the mentally ill’s fate: whether or not large sums of money will be put forth for research regarding causes or treatments for mental illnesses, whether or not insurance companies will pay for psychotherapy or hospitalization in a psychward, whether or not laws will forgive the mentally ill for their disabilities, etc.

 

Because my illness is a battle against myself and no one else can see the war happening within my heart and my head, the blind eyes of society dismiss such an illness to be unworthy of love, attention, and care. I don’t want this! I need help! I can’t fight my inner demons alone; I need everything that a physically ill patient needs to get better! My heart won’t mend without stitches of love to help sew it back together. My mind won’t calm without the soothing words of a friend. My eyes will never see the sunshine without someone to help clear away the clouds. My problems will never cease without much needed support nor would a physically ill person’s.

 

A few months ago (February I believe) I wrote a letter to the Make a Wish foundation that grants physically ill children one wish, whether that be a trip to Disney World or a new bike, the foundation will follow through to give the child his/her wish. I suggested considering expanding their generous deeds to not only the physically ill, but the mentally ill too.

             

Make a Wish,

             

            First of all, I would like to say that I think this is a wonderful foundation that has brightened the lives of many ill children. A friend of mine was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease last year and went to Disney World to fulfill his wish. It brightened his life after months of darkness.

 

            I understand that this foundation is meant for children with medical illnesses that are life-threatening, but what about those with mental illnesses? Mental illnesses can be just as emotionally damaging and life-threatening as medical illnesses. Just like children diagnosed with a possibly fatal medical illness such as cancer, children diagnosed with a mental illness have no control over the onset of the illness. It is not a personality flaw, but a real illness that heavily impacts how the child functions. I have experienced that impact first hand.

 

            I have three sisters. Two died by suicide. My deceased sisters both had life-threatening mental illnesses that ended in tragedy. Their mental illnesses led to suicide. They felt a pain so intense, so deep, that they felt the need to take their own lives, but it wasn’t their lives that they wanted to end. It was the pain they wanted to end, and they saw no other way out. So my question is this: what is worse? An emotional pain so deep that it leads one to take their own life? Or a physical pain? Still, I do not know the answer.

 

            Currently I am 16 years old. I was 13 years old when my 15 year old sister took her life. She was severely depressed. I know that if she was given an opportunity to make a wish, her sadness would be set aside, and she would fulfill her wish with pure delight and happiness. She dreamed of traveling the world--to Spain, Italy, Germany, Peru, France, everywhere!

 

            When she was happy, it truly made me happy to see her enjoy life like every child should. To see her smile and laugh and to full heartedly enjoy life for that one moment was always a liberating experience. The hardest thing to do is to watch your loved one seem to fade away into a darkness and not know how to bring them back, but I think a wish granted would have that person enthralled in happiness. It could help lead them out of the darkness that engulfs them. Not only would such an experience be touching for the child, but it would significantly touch the lives of each and every one of the family members whom struggle to cope with the child’s illness.

 

            The impact of having a mentally ill child in the family causes a constant struggle. A day in Disney Land, a walk along the beaches of Hawaii, a meeting with a local celebrity, a new bike, could make a difference in the life of an innocent, mentally ill child. Such a wish could provide a child plagued by sadness with a pleasurable feeling so grandiose and big that it has been months, maybe even years, since the child has felt that feeling of sincere happiness.

 

            Again, I want to express my gratitude to the people that have helped make the wishes of ill children come true. I know being able to make a wish would be greatly appreciated and cherished by children suffering from mental illnesses like depression or bipolar disorder. It would take away their pain for the moment that they are experiencing their wish. It would give them a break from the life they constantly struggle with. It would give them hope.

 

            I hope that this message is taken into serious consideration because I know that this philanthropic foundation could make a difference in the lives of children suffering from a mental illness. So please, help lead these children away from the mental illnesses that they battle everyday into the right direction, and give them the wish that could change their lives.

 

Thank you!

With deepest regards,

withouidentity911

 

Here you can write a letter to the Make a Wish foundation too! http://www.wish.org/about/contact Click general inquiries. It might be even better if you both emailed and sent it through snailmail. Please write a letter! Help make a difference. We have to start small and build to make a difference, and this is a good place to start!